Caleb Argues Every Rule, So This Week We're Reading Daniel 1

Verse 9 of Daniel 1 is one sentence and easy to skip: "Now God had brought Daniel into favour and tender love with the prince of the eunuchs." Verse 8 has just said Daniel "requested of the prince of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself," and verse 10 is the prince's reply. He doesn't say yes or no in so many words. He says "I fear my lord the king," and that if Daniel's face looks worse than the other boys' faces, "then shall ye make me endanger my head to the king." So the man with tender love for Daniel is afraid for his own neck. Verse 11 goes on to Melzar, whom the prince had set over Daniel and his three friends.

That was on my mind because of last night. Caleb's school-night bedtime is 8:45, and since the clocks went back it has been dark since five, so by his math 8:45 is practically the middle of the night. He had four points and counted them off on his fingers. Lily's bedtime is only fifteen minutes earlier than his. He wakes up on his own. He reads in bed and it isn't like he's up doing anything. When he got to the fourth finger I said "because I said so" and he went upstairs without slamming anything, which I noticed was worse. He's been doing this for weeks, about bedtime and chores and the baseball bag that has sat by the back door since fall ball ended, and I've been hearing every bit of it as defiance.

What Daniel says to Melzar

Verses 12 and 13 are the whole proposal.

Prove thy servants, I beseech thee, ten days; and let them give us pulse to eat, and water to drink. Then let our countenances be looked upon before thee, and the countenance of the children that eat of the portion of the king’s meat: and as thou seest, deal with thy servants.

Look at what's in it: ten days, the exact food, a way of checking that puts their faces next to the faces of the boys on the king's portion, and a last clause that hands the verdict to the man who has the say: "as thou seest, deal with thy servants." Nothing in it tells Melzar he's wrong.

"Prove thy servants" asks to be tried, and Daniel says "I beseech thee" on the way in.

Verse 14 says "So he consented to them in this matter, and proved them ten days." The chapter doesn't say why Melzar consented, so I won't. Verse 15 reports what was seen when the ten days were up, "their countenances appeared fairer and fatter in flesh than all the children which did eat the portion of the king’s meat," and that is what four boys looked like after one test. It isn't a rule about what doing right does to a face.

Daniel's reason and a bedtime are not the same size

Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the king's meat and wine (that's verse 8 again). The text never says what made the food defiling, and it isn't the Word of Wisdom, which has nothing to do with the chapter. I don't want to hand Daniel a reason the book didn't give him.

A kid's list of bedtime, chores and where a sports bag goes is preference. Some of it is perfectly reasonable preference. He can ask. He doesn't get to talk about 8:45 as if it were Daniel's line.

Daniel isn't a child talking back to a parent either, since Melzar holds the authority in this story and the proposal leaves him holding it.

What a ten-day trial can look like at home

A trial never gets pitched in the middle of the argument, so if a sixth-grader starts in on bedtime with the toothpaste still in his mouth the answer is "Not now. Bring me a proposal tomorrow after dinner." You have to mean it as an invitation, because he'll work out within two tries whether it is one or just a way to end the conversation.

A proposal needs Daniel's parts. One rule instead of three, with the exact change, say 9:15 instead of 8:45 on school nights. Ten days, which gets you a weekend and a run of ordinary mornings. And what you'll both look at to decide how it went, like whether he's up when the alarm goes off and whether he's civil at breakfast.

For a chore it could be the trash cans at the curb on Thursday night without a reminder.

Then the hearing, which means letting him reach the end before you correct anything and asking a question or two instead of arguing it back. After that you owe him one of three answers: yes, no, or "not yet, ask me again in two weeks." All three are fine and he should know that going in.

"We'll see" is the one that teaches a kid there's no use asking properly.

Once there has been a fair hearing a no stands, and you give the reason once, plainly, the way the prince in verse 10 says what he's afraid of, and then leave it alone, much as the watchman in Ezekiel 33 says a hard thing once. If he can get another round of argument out of you by being persistent, the trial was for show.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does Daniel 1 say why the king's food would have defiled Daniel?

Verse 8 says he purposed in his heart not to defile himself and leaves it there, so no. The Come, Follow Me page for this week asks why too, and I'd leave it asked.

Isn't this just letting him talk back?

Not as I'd define it, since talking back happens in the heat of it and wants the rule gone. An appeal waits for a calm time, names one change, accepts a trial and leaves the answer with the person in charge. An eleven-year-old can tell those apart if somebody shows him the second one.

How long should a trial last?

Ten days is Daniel's number, which suits a rule that comes up every day, like bedtime. Something that happens once a week, like a Saturday chore, won't give you enough tries in ten days, so go three or four weeks.

What if he proposes something ridiculous?

Hear it out, because a proposal to skip all homework in exchange for extra chores is still a proposal and the no is a good chance to show what a fair hearing sounds like when the answer is no. Say why in a sentence and tell him he's welcome to come back with a smaller one.

What I still don't like about this chapter as a parenting text

Verse 14 has Melzar consenting, verse 15 has the ten days going Daniel's way, and verse 16 has Melzar taking away their portion of the meat and the wine and giving them pulse. A trial that ends well is the easy kind to honor. Most of what a kid proposes will go badly or halfway or leave you unable to tell, and Daniel 1 has nothing to say about a fair trial that fails, or about what the one who proposed it is supposed to do next. That is the case a house actually needs the method for, and the chapter skips it.

with love, Melissa