Finding the Sacred in the In-Between Moments of Motherhood
The dishwasher was humming and I was standing at the kitchen counter folding a load of laundry that had been sitting in the basket for three days. The toddler was napping and the older kids were at school and I had thirty minutes of quiet that I was supposed to use for something productive. Instead I just stood there folding socks and listening to the machine and thinking about how many times I had stood in this exact spot doing this exact thing.
I counted the steps in my head as I sorted the socks, matched the pairs, folded the towels, stacked the shirts, put them away, and started over again next week. The same motions I have done thousands of times over twelve years of motherhood and the same kitchen table I have wiped down after breakfast and lunch and dinner and snacks and craft projects and homework and spilled milk and birthday cake. I almost didn't write this because it felt too small but I have been sitting with the idea that maybe the smallness is the point.
Finding Spiritual Peace in a Chaotic Home
The phrase mental load gets thrown around a lot and I used to think it meant something clinical. A term for the burnout that comes from managing everything. But the more I sit with it the more I think the mental load is just another name for the invisible work of loving people. The remembering and planning and anticipating and worrying that happens in the background of every day.
I used to think my spiritual life happened in the gaps between the work. In the quiet moments when the house was empty and I could read my scriptures without interruption. But those moments are rare and they get shorter every year. The toddler wakes up early and the teenager needs a ride and the second-grader lost her library book again and the baby is crying and the dishwasher needs to be emptied and somewhere in there I am supposed to find time to feel the Spirit.
I wrote about this in The Invisible Labor of Spiritual Parenting and the response surprised me. So many of you wrote to say the same thing. You feel guilty that your spiritual life looks like a series of interruptions instead of a quiet morning routine. You wonder if God sees the work that nobody else sees.
I think He does.
Sacred Motherhood and Daily Chores
The kitchen table in my house has been wiped down so many times that the finish is worn in one corner. I notice it when the light hits a certain way in the afternoon. That worn spot is twelve years of breakfast and homework and family home evenings and late night conversations and tears over math problems and laughter over board games. It is the most sacred surface in my house and I have never thought of it that way until now.
Mosiah 2:17 says that when we are in the service of our fellow beings we are only in the service of our God. I have read that verse a hundred times and always applied it to big things. Visiting teaching and callings and service projects. But lately I have been applying it to the small things too. The peanut butter sandwich I make for the third time today and the permission slip I sign without reading and the sock I match to its partner at 10:00 PM when I am already exhausted.
When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God (Mosiah 2:17).
If that verse is true then the laundry is worship. The dishwashing is discipleship. The mental load is the weight of loving people and God sees every ounce of it.
How to Feel God's Presence in Parenting Stress
Lately I have been trying something new and it has helped. When I feel the overwhelm rising I stop and name what I am doing out loud. Washing these dishes because my family ate dinner together. Folding this laundry because my children have clothes to wear. Driving this carpool because my daughter made the team and she is learning what it means to work hard and show up.
It sounds simple and maybe it is. But naming the love behind the labor changes something in my chest. The resentment softens. The invisible work becomes visible again. I can see that the chaos is full of love and the love is full of God.
I wrote about this in The Sacred Ordinary: Finding God in Early Childhood Chaos and the principle has held. God is in the interruptions. He is in the spilled milk and the lost shoe and the toddler who won't nap. He is in the kitchen at 4:00 PM when I'm tired and the baby is crying and I have no idea what to make for dinner and He is there because I am there and I am doing the work of loving my family and the chaos is full of love and the love is full of God. The interruptions are where He lives.
LDS Perspective on the Mental Load of Motherhood
Here is what I have learned after twelve years of wiping this table. The sacred isn't something you find by escaping the mundane. The sacred is something you invite into the mundane. You don't need a quiet hour of scripture study to feel close to God. You can feel close to God while you are scrubbing a pot if you remember who you are scrubbing it for.
I think about the women in the scriptures who did the invisible work. The widow who gave her two mites. Mary who anointed the Savior's feet. The women who prepared the spices for His body. Their work was small and repetitive and easily overlooked. But Jesus saw it. He always sees it.
The mental load of motherhood is heavy and I don't want to pretend it is light. But I want to offer this. The weight you carry is the weight of love. The work you do that nobody sees is seen by the only One who matters. And the kitchen table you have wiped down a thousand times is an altar. You have been serving at it all along.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I find spiritual meaning in repetitive daily chores?
Try thinking of each task as a small offering to your family. When you fold laundry or wash dishes, say a quiet prayer or name the love behind the work. The chore becomes a practice of service and the Spirit meets you in the middle of it.
I feel overwhelmed by the mental load of running a home. Is this normal?
Yes and you aren't alone. The invisible work of managing a household is real and heavy. Acknowledging the weight is the first step. The second step is remembering that God sees the work and honors the effort even when no one else does.
How do I handle the gap between the ideal gospel home and my messy reality?
The gospel is about progression, not perfection. God works with us in the middle of the mess. The sacred isn't found in the absence of chaos but in the love and patience we show each other while we are in it.
What if I don't feel the Spirit during my daily chores?
You are in good company. The Spirit doesn't always arrive as a feeling. Sometimes it arrives as the strength to keep going. Sometimes it arrives as a moment of patience you didn't know you had. Trust that the work itself is holy and the feeling will follow in its own time.
How can I teach my children to see the sacred in everyday life?
Let them see you blessing the ordinary. Say a prayer over the meal you made. Thank God for the warm towels and the full pantry. Children learn to see the sacred by watching someone who already sees it.
I put the laundry away and walked back to the kitchen. The toddler was stirring in the next room and I could hear the school bus at the end of the street. The dishwasher had finished its cycle and the counters needed wiping again. I ran my hand over the worn spot on the table and I thought about all the meals and prayers and conversations that had landed there. All the love that had passed across that surface.
The work is never done and that is the point. The work is the life and the love and the love is holy.
with love, Melissa