I Don't Buy That Whispering a Testimony Is Just Practice

A woman in a Relief Society lesson told us once that whispering a few words to a little one at the pulpit is only training wheels. Everybody has to start somewhere, she said, and nobody ever fell in love with riding a bike by wobbling into a mailbox. People nodded. I nodded too, and I was the one who'd been doing the whispering.

I don't buy it, because training wheels hold the bike up so the rider can learn to balance, and a whispered line does the balancing for the child. What she learns is that the thing to do up there is listen for a grown-up and repeat. I whispered "I know the Church is true" to Emma at five, on the little step stool our old ward kept behind the pulpit, and I whispered it loud enough that I'm told the second row got it before she did.

What is a testimony, for a six-year-old?

Most of what children say at the pulpit is true and sweet and still isn't a testimony. "I love my mom, I love my family, I'm thankful for my dog" is gratitude, which belongs at the dinner table. The Ensign article on this said back in 1989 that when we speak of testimony, "we mean a spiritual witness of eternal truths."

That cleared up something for me, which is that the size was never the measure. A one-sentence testimony can be the real thing and a three-minute one can be recited, and the difference is whether she's telling what she knows or what she's heard sounds right.

The same article is plain that children do lean on us:

"As children grow in faith, they rely on their parents' faith. They lean on our testimonies or borrow them temporarily."

Ensign, December 1989

Temporarily is the word I'd underline. Borrowing is how it starts and nobody needs to be ashamed of it.

What a parent can say instead of the whisper

Start with your own, somewhere nobody's watching. In the car, over a pan you're scraping, in plain sentences about what you felt and when. The 1989 article says to "actually express to your children what you believe and know to be true," and that's a different thing from performing it at them. We tried the formal version once and they groaned, whereas the stray sentence in the car tends to get a reply a day or two later.

Then ask questions and leave them unanswered. What did you feel when we sang that? How did you know it was time to pray about it? Anything with a feeling at the end and no right answer.

The scripture I go back to was written to Oliver Cowdery about revelation and says nothing about children, but the order of things seems to carry over:

"Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart."

Doctrine and Covenants 8:2

Mind and heart, by the Holy Ghost. I don't find a step in there where Mom tells her what to say.

When your child wants to stand up

The answer to a child who wants to go up is not no. Elder Carl B. Cook wrote in the Ensign in December 2002 that "Young children desiring to bear testimony in public can be taught to respond to the Spirit and share heartfelt experiences." So it's a yes with some preparation, and the preparation can happen at family home evening or in a Primary talk. The First Presidency letter he quotes says it "may be best to have younger children learn to share their testimonies at such times as family home evening or when giving talks in Primary until they are old enough to do so in a fast and testimony meeting."

Practice has its place. I wrote about a child with two lines in the Primary program who says she can't, and about four run-throughs was plenty before the parent starts doing the child's work for her. A testimony has even less use for rehearsal than a Primary line does, since there's nothing to get right except that it's hers.

If a child does go up, sit down and stay down. The pause that feels endless from the third row sounds like nothing to the ward, who are busy with their own children. Lily hasn't asked to go up yet, and the one time she said "someday" I said fine and have kept my mouth shut about it since, which is harder than it sounds.

Frequently Asked Questions

How old should a child be to bear testimony in sacrament meeting?

There isn't a number, and I'm wary of anyone who gives you one. The guidance I've read says young children should go up when they feel the Holy Ghost prompting them, and that's a feeling you can't schedule. A child who can tell you in the car what she felt and why is closer than one who just likes the microphone.

My child wants to go up and I'm afraid of what she'll say. What do I do?

Notice who the fear is for. Mine was for me, every time. If she's too small to manage the steps or the microphone, that's a practical problem and you can help with that. If you're worried she'll say something halting or odd, I'd let her.

Can I help a child practice without scripting it?

Yes, and I'd do it somewhere other than the chapel. Talk about what a testimony is, ask her what she knows and how she knows it, and let her say it badly to you at the kitchen table. What I'd leave out is suggesting words. Once a child hears you supply the line, she starts listening for the next one.

What about a child who only repeats what I say?

Then you've got a child who trusts you, which is fine for a while. Give her more questions and fewer statements. President Harold B. Lee said that "the testimony you have today will not be your testimony tomorrow," and I find that a relief to hold onto with a child who's still repeating me.

One thing to try

This week, say one true thing about what you believe to your child in a place that has nothing to do with church, and then ask her one question you don't know the answer to. Skip the whisper next fast Sunday, whatever happens at the pulpit.

with love, Melissa