Patient Heart: Navigating the Waiting Room of Faith with Kids
He asked me at the kitchen table, right in the middle of dinner. My teenager looked up from his plate and said, "Mom, what if I am not sure I believe in God anymore?"
The words landed like a stone in still water. I felt my heart do something I did not expect. It did not race with panic the way I thought it would. It just slowed down. I put my fork down and looked at him. My second-grader was still eating her macaroni. My toddler was trying to feed a green bean to the dog. The noise of the house kept going, but for a moment, everything felt quiet inside me.
I said, "Tell me more about that."
It was not the answer I had prepared, because I had spent years preparing the right answers, the ones that would protect my children from doubt. But in that moment, I realized that what he needed was not a defense of the faith. He needed someone to hear him say the thing he was afraid to say out loud.
How to Help Children with Faith Questions LDS
I used to think my job was to have an answer ready for every question. I thought if I could explain things clearly enough, my children would never have to struggle. But I have learned that the struggle is part of the process. The questions are an invitation to go deeper, not a problem to be solved.
When my teenager asked me that question at the dinner table, I did not give him a lecture or quote a general conference talk. I just listened and asked him what he was feeling and what had brought him to this place, and I told him that his question was okay and that I loved him and that we would figure it out together.
I wrote about this idea of meeting your family where they really are in Sacred Space of the Hard Question: Navigating Doubt with Kids. The same principle applies here. The most important thing I can offer my child is my presence and my willingness to sit in the uncertainty with them. That matters more than a perfect answer.
What to Do When My Child Asks Difficult Gospel Questions
The hardest part is the waiting that comes after the question is asked and the conversation ends. There is a period where nothing seems to happen. You do not know if what you said was enough or if your child is still thinking about it. You wait.
I have learned that the waiting is where the real work happens. The Holy Ghost does His best teaching in the quiet spaces, after the words have been spoken and the heart has been opened. My job is to create a space where the silence is safe, not to fill every silence with an answer.
"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
I keep this verse close during the waiting periods. It reminds me that I do not have to fix everything. I just have to be still and trust that God is working in ways I cannot see.
Teaching Kids That It Is Okay to Have Doubts in LDS Faith
I have started being more open with my children about my own questions. I tell them about times when I have struggled and things I do not understand yet. I tell them that faith and doubt can live in the same heart and that this does not make them bad members of the Church.
This has been the hardest shift for me. I grew up believing that doubt was a weakness, something to be hidden and overcome. But I have come to see that doubt is often the beginning of a more honest faith. A faith that has been tested is stronger than one that has never been questioned.
How to Handle Faith Crises in Teenagers LDS
My teenager is still figuring things out, and some days he seems confident in his beliefs while other days he is full of questions. I have learned to stop measuring his faith by how he feels on any given day. Faith is a path with switchbacks and pauses where you cannot see the way forward.
What I can control is how I respond by staying calm and keeping the door open. I can make sure he knows that no question is off limits and that my love for him does not depend on the state of his testimony. I can pray for him and with him. And I can trust that the Lord is leading him, even when I cannot see where.
Creating a Safe Space for Spiritual Questions at Home
I have started something new in our home that I call the question jar. It is a mason jar that sits on the kitchen counter with a stack of small pieces of paper next to it. Anyone in the family can write down a question they have about the gospel, about life, about anything, and drop it in the jar. On Sunday evenings, we pull out a few questions and talk about them together.
Some of the questions are simple and some of them are hard. Some of them do not have answers yet. We talk about them anyway and look up what the scriptures say and pray about them. When we do not know, we say so. The jar has taught my children that their questions are welcome here.
Frequently Asked Questions
What do I do if my child asks a question and I honestly do not know the answer?
Be honest with them and say, "I do not know the answer to that right now, but I really want to find out. Let us look for the answer together." This models honesty and teaches them that seeking is a lifelong process.
Is it a sign of weak faith if my child is struggling with a specific doctrinal point?
No. Questions and struggles are often the catalysts for a deeper, more personal testimony. Instead of seeing it as a loss of faith, view it as an invitation to move from a borrowed testimony to a personal one.
How can I keep my child from feeling overwhelmed by the answers they find online?
Guide them toward reliable sources and teach them how to evaluate information. More importantly, make sure they know that your love and the Lord's love are not conditional on having all the answers right now. Focus on the relationship first, and the information second.
What if I am afraid that my child's questions will lead them away from the Church?
Remember that the Savior invited questions. He did not turn people away for asking. A child who feels safe asking hard questions at home is less likely to feel the need to leave their faith entirely when they encounter something they do not understand. Your openness is a bridge, not a risk.
My teenager finished his dinner that night and went to his room. We did not solve anything, but something shifted. He had said the thing out loud, and the world did not end. I had listened, and I had not panicked. The question jar is still on the counter. The green bean is still under the table somewhere. And I am learning that the waiting room of faith is a place where trust grows.
I do not know what my son will believe in five years. But I know that he knows he can talk to me. For now, that is enough.
With love,
Melissa