Sabbath as a Sign: Moving from Rules to Rest
Sunday morning at our house usually goes like this: I am looking for the white shirt that was definitely hanging in the closet yesterday and now it is somewhere in the universe of a second-grader's bedroom. The toddler is eating a crayon. My teenager is standing in the doorway in the clothes she wore yesterday, wondering why she has to change. David is in the garage looking for the car keys I left in the coat pocket of a jacket I am not wearing anymore. And we have seventeen minutes to get out the door.
I used to measure the success of a Sunday by how smoothly we got through it. All meetings attended, everyone dressed appropriately, no one complaining. A perfect Sunday meant I had done the Sabbath correctly and I felt briefly righteous and exhausted.
But there is another kind of Sabbath I have been learning about and it doesn't look like a checklist at all. It looks like a sign. President Russell M. Nelson talked about this shift and he said the Sabbath is a sign of our relationship with God and that it is a day to focus on what we want to signal to him instead of just on what we want to avoid. I have been sitting with that idea for months and I keep coming back to it because it changes everything about how I approach the day.
Sabbath Rhythms vs Sabbath Rules
The difference between a rule and a rhythm is the difference between a list of things you can't do and a pattern of things you actually want to do. A rule is rigid, saying don't do this and don't do that. A rhythm is softer, telling you what kind of day you're trying to have and what helps you get there.
I have written about some of this in Sabbath Reset: Rhythms of Rest for the Modern Family and I keep coming back to the same idea. A rhythm allows room for the toddler who won't sit still and the teenager who doesn't want to talk and the spilled juice on the white shirt. It bends instead of breaking.
Our family has three anchors for Sunday that we hold onto. We go to sacrament meeting together, we eat a slow meal as a family, and we take a walk in the afternoon. Everything else is flexible. If someone wants to nap or read or draw or play a quiet game, that's fine. The anchor keeps the day aimed in the right direction without strangling it.
"Verily my sabbaths ye shall keep: for it is a sign between me and you throughout your generations." (Exodus 31:13)
A sign. Not a test. That one word changes the whole shape of the day. A sign between me and God that says I remember who I am and whose I am.
How to Keep the Sabbath Day Holy with Kids
The honest version is that the toddler will probably disrupt the sacrament and the second-grader will ask loudly why that man is sleeping during the prayer and the teenager will spend part of the day on her phone and none of this means I failed.
I used to spend the entire sacrament meeting on high alert, ready to shush or redirect or carry a crying child into the foyer. I would walk out feeling like I had done security duty instead of worshiping. But I have started to shift my thinking. My job on Sunday isn't to produce perfectly behaved children in church. My job is to bring them to the Lord. He can handle the noise.
When I stop treating the day as a performance, my children start to relax too. They feel the difference between a day where they have to be careful and a day where they get to be together.
President Nelson Sabbath Sign to God
The thing that keeps striking me about President Nelson's teaching is how personal it is. He doesn't give us a new list of approved Sabbath activities. He asks a question: what sign do I want to give to God with my Sabbath? That question has changed how I plan Sunday. Instead of asking myself what I shouldn't do, I ask what would make this day feel like it belongs to God. I might read scriptures together with the kids, take a long nap, or make a meal for a neighbor who has a new baby.
The sign isn't about the specific activity. The sign is about the intention behind it.
Making the Sabbath a Delight for Children
My middle-schooler doesn't naturally love quiet Sunday activities. He would rather be at the baseball field. For a long time I tried to make Sunday feel like a spiritual day by removing everything he loved and hoping the absence of fun would create space for reverence. It didn't work.
What has worked better is creating sensory markers that tell his brain this day is different. Saturday night we set out a special tablecloth for breakfast. Sunday morning we make the same pancakes we always make but we eat them on the real plates instead of the plastic ones. In the afternoon we put on quiet music and someone usually falls asleep on the couch.
These small rituals do more to teach him that Sunday is special than any list of restrictions ever could. The pancakes taste the same but they feel different because the context has shifted.
Creating a Peaceful Sunday for LDS Families
Peaceful Sundays don't have to mean quiet Sundays and I have to remind myself of this because my natural instinct is to think peace means no noise and no mess and nobody asking for anything. But my house has four children in it and it won't be silent on Sunday or any other day.
Peaceful means the tension has left the room. It means everyone knows what the day is for and nobody is fighting against it. That took a long time to build and it started with me letting go of my own expectations. When I stopped trying to control every element of Sunday, the family stopped resisting it.
I have written about this more in Sabbath Sigh: From Week Chaos to a Day of Rest for Families because it took me years to understand that the sigh of relief on Sunday morning isn't a sign that I failed. It is the whole point.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I stop feeling guilty when my children are disruptive during church services?
Shift your focus from your children's behavior to your own love for them and for the Lord. You brought them to church and that is a sign of faith, not a sign of failure. Their noise doesn't cancel your effort. The Savior loved the children who crowded around him and he loves the ones who wiggle in the pews too.
What is the difference between a Sabbath rule and a Sabbath rhythm?
A rule tells you what not to do. A rhythm tells you what you are moving toward. Rules focus on compliance and they leave you feeling guilty when you break them. Rhythms focus on intention and they leave room to try again.
How can I make the Sabbath feel like a delight rather than a chore for my kids?
Find the things your children already love that fit the spirit of the day and build around those. A walk, a board game, a special breakfast, a story. The day becomes a delight when it offers connection instead of restriction. Let the children help decide what makes Sunday feel special to them.
Last Sunday the toddler screamed through half of sacrament meeting and I sat there holding her, letting her be a toddler in a space where toddlers belong. And somewhere in the middle of it I felt the exhale that I used to only feel on the way home. The sign I want to give God isn't a perfectly behaved family. It is a family that keeps showing up, noise and all, because we know where we belong.
with love, Melissa