Sabbath Rhythms: Moving From a Checklist to Delight

The Sunday morning scramble is a real thing in our house. I was standing in the kitchen at 8:47 last Sunday with a half-buttered piece of toast in one hand and a missing shoe in the other and I could feel the familiar tightness in my chest. We needed to leave in thirteen minutes and someone had hidden the baby's church shoes and the toddler was eating a crayon and my teenager was still in pajamas scrolling through his phone. I wanted the day to feel different from the other six. But right then it felt exactly the same.

How to Make the Sabbath a Delight for Children

I have been thinking a lot about what it means to make the Sabbath a delight. The phrase comes from Isaiah 58:13 where the Lord talks about calling the Sabbath a delight and not a duty or a test. A delight. That word has been sitting in my mind for months now because I don't think my kids would describe our Sundays as delightful.

If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the Lord, honourable; and shalt honour him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own words.

Isaiah 58:13

I read that verse to David a few weeks ago and he looked at me and said, "So what would a delightful Sunday actually look like in this house?" And I didn't have an answer. I had a list of things we weren't supposed to do. But I didn't have a picture of what we were supposed to be moving toward.

That is the shift I am trying to make. Instead of asking what is allowed I am trying to ask what helps us feel closer to God and each other. It sounds simple but it has been surprisingly hard to unlearn the checklist approach.

LDS Tips for a Peaceful Sunday in a Busy Home

I started small by picking one thing that actually felt restful to me and protecting it. For me that thing is Sunday morning breakfast. I make something that takes longer than a weekday breakfast and sometimes it is pancakes from scratch and sometimes it is eggs and potatoes and fruit. The kids know the smell now. When they come downstairs and smell the butter and the hot syrup they know it is Sunday and something in their bodies shifts.

That one small anchor changed more than I expected because when breakfast feels special the morning feels less like a countdown to church and more like a slow beginning. I am not saying every Sunday is peaceful. Last week the baby dumped her entire bowl of yogurt on the floor and the dog ate it before I could grab a towel and my oldest asked if he could just skip church and do homework instead. But the breakfast was good. And that mattered.

I wrote about this idea of finding peace in ordinary days in Sacred Spaces in the Chaos and I think the Sabbath works the same way. The peace comes from the small anchors we build around, not from getting everything right.

Simple Sabbath Traditions for LDS Families

The traditions that have stuck in our house are the ones that cost almost nothing. We light a candle at dinner on Saturday night to mark the beginning of the Sabbath. It is just a cheap candle from the grocery store but the kids know what it means. When they see the flame they start to settle.

We also started doing a short walk after church and it doesn't matter what the weather is. We go outside and walk around the block and talk about what we learned or what we didn't understand or what someone said that made us think. The walk is usually about fifteen minutes and the toddler complains and the teenager walks too fast and the dog pulls on the leash. But something happens during that walk. We start to breathe differently.

I have been thinking about how these small rhythms connect to what I wrote in The Gentle Sabbath about moving from doing to being. The traditions don't have to be elaborate. They just have to be ours.

Overcoming Sabbath Day Guilt in Parenting

Here is the part I don't talk about as much. I carry a lot of guilt about the Sundays that don't work. The ones where I lose my patience before the sacrament hymn is over and the ones where I spend the whole afternoon cleaning up from the morning instead of resting and the ones where I feel like I failed the test before lunchtime.

I am learning to let that guilt go not because the Sabbath doesn't matter but because the Lord's grace covers the messy Sundays too. I think about the Savior and how He responded to the Pharisees who criticized His disciples for plucking grain on the Sabbath. He corrected them. The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. That changes everything.

The Sabbath was made for us. For our tired bodies and our scattered minds and our chaotic homes. It was meant to be a gift not a performance. When I remember that the guilt loosens its grip.

Meaning of Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy for Families

I asked my kids what they actually like about Sunday. My second grader said she likes that we eat lunch together. My teenager said he likes that nobody asks him to do homework. The toddler said she likes the candle. None of them mentioned the rules. They mentioned the things that make the day feel different.

That is what I want to hold onto. The Sabbath is supposed to be a sign between us and God. A weekly marker that we belong to Him. And the way we mark it in a house full of children is going to look different from the way our neighbors mark it or the way our parents marked it or the way we imagine it should look in our heads.

I am trying to notice the small delights that are already there like the way the light comes through the window during the sacrament and the way my daughter leans her head on my shoulder during the closing hymn and the way we all sit around the table a little longer than we do on Tuesday instead of measuring our Sundays against an ideal that doesn't exist.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I make the Sabbath feel special for young children?

Start with something sensory like a special breakfast or a candle or a walk. Kids remember how a day feels more than what they learned. The smell of pancakes and the warmth of a shared blanket will stay with them longer than any lesson you try to teach.

What do I do when Sunday feels more stressful than restful?

Lower your expectations and pick one small anchor. One thing that feels restful to you. Protect that one thing and let the rest of the day be what it is. A peaceful Sunday means a Sunday where you felt the Spirit at least once, not a perfect Sunday.

Is it okay if our family's Sabbath looks different from other families?

Yes. The Sabbath is a sign between you and God. It isn't a competition with the family in the next pew. What works for your family is what works for your family. Trust that and stop comparing.

How do I handle the guilt of an imperfect Sabbath?

Remember that the Sabbath was made for you. Not the other way around. The Lord knows your heart and He knows the chaos of your home. He isn't grading your Sunday. He is inviting you to rest in Him. Let the guilt go and try again next week.

What are some simple Sabbath traditions that don't require a lot of planning?

Light a candle at dinner on Saturday night or make one special meal on Sunday or take a walk after church. Read a book together out loud. Let the kids choose a quiet activity they actually enjoy. The tradition just has to be consistent enough that the kids start to expect it. It doesn't have to be elaborate.

I don't have this figured out and most Sundays I am still scrambling for shoes and wiping up yogurt and wondering if we are doing this whole thing wrong. But I am learning to look for the delight instead of the checklist and I am finding it in small places like the candle flame and the pancake smell and the weight of a child's head on my shoulder during a hymn.

That is the Sabbath I am trying to build. One imperfect Sunday at a time.

with love, Melissa