The Grace of the 'Unfinished': Finding Peace in the Gap Between the Ideal and the Actual
There is a laundry basket on my couch that has been there for two days. The clothes are clean and dry but they are also unfolded and waiting. Every time I walk past I tell myself I will get to it. But a child needs a snack or a question needs an answer or I sit down for a minute and do not get back up.
I used to see that basket as evidence of failure. But I am learning to see it differently. The basket is not evidence of failure. It is evidence of life, evidence that someone interrupted the folding because someone needed me. That is the point.
Finding Peace with a Messy Home LDS
I spent a long time believing that a faithful home was a tidy one. If the house was clean and the schedule was running and the children behaved, then I was doing my job. But that version of faith left no room for actual people. My children are not part of the decor. They are the reason the house exists.
A woman in my ward came over once when the laundry basket was in full view. She looked at it and smiled. "I have one of those," she said. I felt something shift in my chest because she did not judge me. She saw herself in my unfinished basket. That is what happens when we stop pretending, the unfinished things connect us instead of isolating us.
"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ."
Philippians 1:6
He began a good work. He will perform it. The work is still in progress and that is fine.
Overcoming the Pressure to Be a Perfect LDS Mother
When I taught third grade, the best student writing came from messy first drafts. I told my students that the draft was not the final version. It was just the starting point. We would edit together and find the good parts and build on them.
God does the same with us. We are not finished products. We are first drafts being edited by grace.
Spiritual Meaning of Imperfections in the Home
The theology of the crumbs finding sacredness in the fragmented moments of motherhood helped me see that the unfinished things are not obstacles to spiritual life. They are the environment where grace does its work.
LDS Perspective on Grace and Parenting Failures
The gap between who I want to be and who I am right now is not a failure. It is a space where Christ can work. If I were already finished I would not need grace.
How to Handle the Gap Between Ideal and Actual Family Life
The laundry is still on the couch. I might fold it tonight or it can wait until tomorrow. Either way the world will keep turning and the children will keep needing things. That is the rhythm of this season.
I am learning to let the basket sit without guilt.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does accepting the unfinished mean I stop trying to improve?
No. Striving and straining are different things. Striving is hopeful and grace filled while straining is fear based and frantic. Keep improving but do it from a place of peace, knowing your value is not tied to your to do list.
How can I help my children learn to embrace the unfinished?
Model it for them. Apologize when you make mistakes and praise their effort more than their results. Show them that growth matters more than perfection.
What is the spiritual danger of chasing the ideal home?
It creates a barrier to connection. When you prioritize the image you tell your family that the ideal version of them is more lovable than the actual version.
How do I find grace in a moment of total chaos?
Take a breath and remember that this moment is exactly where the Savior is. He is not waiting for the chaos to end. He is in the room with you.
The basket is still there. I might get to it tonight. But if I do not, the world will keep turning and the people I love will still be here. That is enough.
with love,
Rachel