The Sabbath Sigh: Finding Rest Between Holy Day and Hectic Life

The pancakes burned on a Sunday morning while I was trying to get the toddler into a dress she did not want to wear. The second-grader was asking for the fifth time whether we could bring snacks to the chapel. The teenager was still in the shower and the middle-schooler had lost one of his shoes. I could smell the smoke from the kitchen and I stood there in the hallway for a second and I let out a breath that I had been holding since Saturday night.

That breath is what I have started calling the Sabbath sigh. It is the moment when you realize the perfect Sunday you planned is not going to happen and you have to decide whether to keep fighting for it or let it go.

I choose to let it go now. Most of the time, anyway. But it took me a long time to learn how.

How to Keep the Sabbath Holy with Young Children

I used to think keeping the Sabbath holy meant keeping it quiet. I thought the day should feel like a library with stained glass. But I have four children and a house that is never quiet and I spent years feeling like I was failing at something that was supposed to be a gift.

President Russell M. Nelson taught that the Sabbath is a sign between us and God. I love that. But I used to read it and think the sign had to be a perfect one. A sign that said "we have arrived" instead of "we are trying."

The sign has more to do with which direction the family is facing than how still the house is. When I am trying to steer my children toward Christ on a Sunday morning, even if the pancakes are burning and the shoe is still missing, that effort is the sign. God sees the trying.

I wrote about this idea in The Gentle Sabbath: From Rules to Rest for the Whole Family and I keep coming back to the same truth. The day is not about what we do not do. It is about what we do.

Finding Peace on the Sabbath in a Busy Home

Peace on the Sabbath does not look like silence at my house. It looks like a toddler who finally stopped crying and is sitting on my lap during the sacrament. It looks like a middle-schooler who asked a question about the atonement while we were driving home. And sometimes it looks like a teenager who rolled her eyes at dinner but then came back to the table ten minutes later and apologized.

I used to think peace meant the absence of conflict. But I am starting to understand that peace can exist inside the conflict. It is the calm that comes when you stop trying to control everything and start trusting that God is in the middle of the mess with you.

The Sabbath is supposed to be a delight. I read that in Isaiah and I used to wonder what kind of family had a delightful Sabbath. But I think delight looks different than I imagined. It is not a perfectly behaved family sitting in a perfectly clean room. It is a family that keeps showing up for each other even when it is hard.

If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the Lord, honourable; and shalt honour him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own words (Isaiah 58:13).

I read that verse and I notice that it does not say the Sabbath will be easy. It says we should call it a delight. And I think calling something a delight is a choice you make before you feel it.

LDS Sabbath Day Traditions for Families

The best Sabbath traditions at our house are the ones that happened by accident. We started making a special breakfast on Sunday mornings because I needed something to look forward to. We started going for a walk after church because the toddler needed to run and the rest of us needed fresh air. And we started reading a chapter of the Book of Mormon together before bed because the teenager asked a question one night and we wanted to keep the conversation going.

None of these traditions started because I planned them. They started because I paid attention to what was already working.

I think that is the secret. Instead of forcing a list of approved Sabbath activities, look at what your family already does on Sunday and ask whether it draws you closer to God or pulls you away. The answer is different for every family.

For us, a walk in the neighborhood draws us closer. A movie that leaves everyone irritable pulls us away. A board game that ends in laughter draws us closer. A board game that ends in tears pulls us away. The same activity can go either way depending on the day and the mood and the children involved.

Overcoming Guilt about Imperfect Sabbath Observance

I have spent more Sundays feeling guilty than I want to admit. Guilty that the toddler cried during the sacrament. Guilty that I checked my phone during the second hour. And guilty that I was too tired to read scriptures with the children after dinner.

But I have started asking myself a different question. I used to ask "did I do enough?" Now I ask "did I try?" The answer is yes more often than I expect.

I think the adversary wants us to feel guilty about our Sabbath observance because guilt keeps us from trying again. Grace does not work that way. Grace is the thing that lets you start over on Monday and try again on Sunday.

I have a friend who says the Sabbath is not a test you pass or fail. It is a gift you open. And some weeks you open it and find exactly what you needed. And some weeks you open it and it feels empty and you have to trust that the gift is still there even if you cannot feel it yet.

Meaning of the Sabbath as a Sign to God

President Nelson said the Sabbath is a sign of our covenant with God. I think about that when I am sitting in sacrament meeting with a toddler on my lap and a teenager who is barely paying attention and a middle-schooler who is drawing on the program.

The sign is not that we have it all figured out. The sign is that we showed up. We put on our clothes and we got in the car and we sat in the pew and we tried. That is the sign. And I believe God receives it.

I think the Sabbath sigh is the moment when we stop performing and start receiving. It is the breath we let out when we admit that we cannot make the day holy on our own. And in that admission, we make space for God to do what we cannot.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I make the Sabbath a delight for my children instead of a day of restrictions?

I have found that adding good things works better than just removing things. Create traditions your children actually enjoy, like a special Sunday breakfast or a walk in the park. When the day feels like a gift instead of a list of rules, children start looking forward to it.

What should I do when my children are disruptive during sacrament meeting?

Remember that the Savior loves children and welcomes their presence. Focus on gentle guidance and patience. Your effort to be there with your family is a sign of faith, even when it does not look peaceful from the outside.

Is it okay to do chores on the Sabbath if they help the home feel more peaceful?

The purpose of the Sabbath is rest and worship. If a small amount of preparation helps your home feel more peaceful, the intent matters more than the rule. Ask yourself whether the activity draws you toward God or away from Him.

What if I feel like I am failing at Sabbath observance every week?

You are not failing. You are trying, and that is what matters. Next week is another chance to open the gift again.

The pancakes burned and the toddler cried and the shoe was never found. But we made it to the chapel and we sat together and I held the toddler on my lap and she fell asleep against my shoulder. And I thought about the sign I was giving to God. It was not a perfect sign. But it was a true one.

with love, Melissa