The Sacredness of 'Small-Scale' Hospitality: Welcoming Others into the Realities of a Lived-In Home
There was a small sticky hand pulling at my dress while I answered the door. My toddler was clinging to my leg and I could feel the sugar from the popsicle she had just finished transferring from her fingers to my skirt. The woman at the door was someone I barely knew.
I could have apologized or made an excuse but instead I said, "Come in. We are living in here."
She stepped over the toy on the floor and sat down at the kitchen table. The sticky hand eventually let go and my toddler wandered off. We talked for an hour. Later she told me that walking into my messy house was the most at ease she had felt in weeks.
How to Be Hospitable with a Messy House LDS
I used to believe that hospitality required a state of readiness I could never quite reach. The counters needed to be cleared and the floors needed to be swept before anyone could come over. I would spend hours preparing for a short visit and then be too tired to enjoy the person I had invited.
A friend said something that changed my approach. "Your house does not need to be clean for me to feel welcome. I just need you to be glad I am here."
Now I focus on being ready to welcome people rather than being ready to impress them.
"Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another."
Romans 12:10
"Preferring one another" means putting the other person ahead of my need to look good. That is harder than cleaning the baseboards. But it is the real work of hospitality.
Simple Ways to Welcome Guests in a Busy Home
A friend from church taught me the simplest version of hospitality I have ever seen. She met me at the door, took my coat, and led me to the kitchen. She poured me a glass of water and said, "Sit. Tell me about your week."
The kitchen was not clean but I did not notice any of it. I noticed that she looked at me when I spoke. I noticed that I felt seen and that is small-scale hospitality. It does not require a clean kitchen but it does require attention.
The quiet grace of low stakes family connection taught me that connection grows in the ordinary spaces. A kitchen with toys on the floor can be more sacred than a spotless one.
Overcoming the Pressure to Have a Perfect LDS Home
The pressure came from inside me. I wanted people to think well of us. I wanted our home to be a reflection of our values. But I had confused a clean home with a good one.
An older woman in my ward said something I have never forgotten. "The homes I remember most fondly are not the ones with the best decor. They are the ones where I felt loved."
I want my home to be remembered that way. Not for its cleanliness but for its warmth.
Spiritual Meaning of Hospitality in the Home
When I welcome someone into my imperfect home, I am practicing the same welcome God extends to me. He does not wait for me to be ready before He draws near. He comes into the chaos and sits with me.
The kitchen table I have been wiping down for twelve years has held tears and laughter and arguments and forgiveness. The table does not care about perfection. It holds whatever is offered.
Practical Tips for Low-Pressure Hosting for Families
I keep a tea kettle on the counter and a stack of napkins handy. I greet guests at the door with my full attention. I offer them a seat before I apologize for anything. If I feel the need to apologize, I say "We are living in here" instead of "I am sorry for the mess."
I have stopped waiting for the perfect moment to invite people over. The perfect moment does not exist. What exists is right now, with the sticky handprints on my skirt and the toys on the floor.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does small-scale hospitality mean I should stop cleaning my house?
No, but the need for a clean house should never stop you from welcoming people. Cleaning is a gift you offer when you have time. An open door is the point.
How do I handle the guilt when my home is not guest ready?
People are coming to see you, not your baseboards. Most guests feel relieved when your home looks lived in because it gives them permission to be real about their own lives.
What are some simple ways to welcome someone?
Use their name when you greet them. Offer them a comfortable seat and something to drink. Ask a question and truly listen to the answer.
How can I teach my children hospitality when our home is chaotic?
Let them see you welcoming people warmly regardless of the clutter. When children see you choosing connection over perfection, they learn that the home is a place where everyone belongs.
The sticky handprints washed off my skirt. The friend came back the next week and stepped over the same toy and smiled. "Thank you for being real," she said. "It is the most welcome I have ever felt."
with love,
Rachel