The Spiritual Architecture of 'Quiet Hospitality'
There is a smudge of strawberry jam on the edge of my kitchen table that I have been meaning to scrub off for three days. Every time I walk past with a sponge, I tell myself I will get to it after the next meal. And then the next meal comes and the smudge stays.
A friend came over yesterday afternoon and I noticed her eyes land on that smudge while I handed her a mug of tea. I opened my mouth to apologize for it, the way I always do, and then I stopped.
She was not looking at my table like she was judging it. She was looking at it like she was relieved.
I think she needed to see that smudge. I think she needed to know that this was a house where things do not have to be perfect to be welcome.
Difference Between Entertaining and Hospitality in the Gospel
I have been sitting with the difference between entertaining and hospitality for a while now. Entertaining is about the host. It is about the impression we leave and the standard we meet and the way we want people to see us. Hospitality is about the guest. It is about the way they feel when they walk through the door.
"Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."
Hebrews 13:2
I used to read that verse and picture angels requiring my best linens and a perfectly arranged charcuterie board. But I think the angels in that verse are not looking for perfection. They are looking for welcome.
Creating a Spiritually Safe Home for Guests
The homes I remember most are not the ones with the best decorations. They are the ones where I felt I could be tired. Where I could show up without a cover story and someone would hand me a warm drink and let me sit in the quiet.
That kind of safety does not come from paint colors or furniture arrangement. It comes from the person who opens the door. When I am frantic about the state of my house, my guest feels my anxiety. When I am at peace with the smudge on the table, my guest feels that peace instead.
How to Be a More Welcoming LDS Host
I asked my neighbor once what made her home feel so easy to be in. She thought about it for a minute and said, "I think it helps that I do not clean before anyone comes."
I laughed. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right. Her house is always naturally its own level of tidy. There are shoes by the door and a dish towel hanging crooked and a stack of mail on the counter. And everyone who walks in lets out their shoulders because the house already looks like people live there.
I have been trying to practice what she said. Not the part about never cleaning, but the part about not making the cleaning the point.
LDS Perspective on Hospitality and Service
When I look through the scriptures, I notice that the Savior's hospitality was never about the setup. He met people in fields and on hillsides and at wells. He ate with tax collectors in their own imperfect homes. The welcome was in His eyes, not in the linens.
The sacredness of small-scale hospitality finding joy in the unpolished welcome helped me see that the small, unpolished welcomes are the ones that matter most. A neighbor who drops off soup in a dented pot. A friend who offers you the last of her good coffee and does not apologize that the mug is chipped.
That is the kind of hospitality I want to build.
How to Handle a Messy Home When Guests Visit
Here is what I have been learning. I can spend the thirty minutes before a guest arrives frantically shoving laundry into closets and sweeping crumbs under the rug, or I can spend those same thirty minutes sitting down and taking a breath and preparing my heart to actually see the person walking through my door.
The crumbs will still be there when they leave. But the connection might not be.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I make my home feel welcoming if it is small or not fancy?
Hospitality is about the person, not the property. A small space filled with warmth and a listening ear is more welcoming than a large home where the host is distracted by appearances. Focus on the small comforts that signal safety.
How do I stop feeling guilty when my house is messy for guests?
Ask yourself what you are trying to give them. If the goal is to make them feel impressed, the mess will bother you. If the goal is to make them feel loved, the mess barely registers.
What is the best way to help a guest feel comfortable opening up?
Be the one who goes first. Share a small struggle or a funny mistake from your own day. When you lower your guard, you give them permission to do the same.
Is it wrong to want my home to look nice for visitors?
Not at all. There is nothing wrong with a clean home. The question is whether the cleaning becomes the main event. If you are too worn out to actually connect by the time they arrive, you have traded the wrong thing.
The smudge is still on my table. I looked at it this morning and decided it can stay a little longer because it is not a flaw. It is a welcome mat.
with love,
Rachel