Tithing Declaration With Kids in the House

Tithing declaration is the yearly meeting where a member tells the bishop whether they're a full tithe payer, and it takes place in the last months of the year. It used to be called tithing settlement. Plenty of us still say that, and the Church's pages treat the new name as the current one.

As far as I can find, the Church's pages say interviews can begin on or after September 1 and that the bishop has every status settled by December 15. We're now in the second week of November, so our slot is either on the calendar or about to be. This year is a little different for us. Lily was baptized June 27, which makes this her first declaration as a member. Caleb is eleven and Ben is three.

Do children go to tithing declaration?

The General Handbook says that when it's possible, a family should attend together, and it names children in that sentence. The help page for bishops says the same about families without mentioning children. Both are worded as something to do if you can, and I read them that way.

I went looking for an age. I didn't find one. Nothing I could see says a child must be a certain age to come, or too young to. So what your family does comes down to your bishop and your own judgment, and in our ward the whole family comes and whoever can sit, sits.

As for what happens inside, the bishop thanks members for their faithfulness and teaches about tithing, and he may encourage a generous fast offering. The member tells him their tithing status and checks that the contribution record is correct. I found no script for either side.

The Church said when it changed the name that the point was to put more focus on the principles and blessings of tithing, and letting the interviews start as early as September gave bishops more time to meet with families. I think that's why our bishop seems unhurried about it. A child picks up on that.

Booking the appointment, and where Ben goes

The help page says the executive secretary coordinates the appointments. It doesn't say how the invitation reaches you. Ours usually comes as a text with a few times to choose from.

Thursday suits us best because David works from home that day, so he doesn't need to leave an office early or fight traffic to get there. If the slot is at four, he can shut the laptop at a quarter to, and by then I've picked up Caleb and Lily at 3:20 and we're all home. Ben's nap is over by then too, which matters more than I like to admit. A slot at 5:30, when he's hungry and I'm hungry, is the one I'd turn down.

Ben turned three on October 30 and is, to use a word from my teaching years, enthusiastic. He won't sit through a conversation about tithing and I don't think he should have to. David takes him out to the hall with a bag of crackers and the two small trucks that live in my purse. We bring him back in at the end so he sees that the bishop is a regular man who says hello to people.

If you have a baby and a spouse who could stay home with the baby, you can always ask the secretary whether a different time exists. I don't know what your ward can do. Asking costs nothing.

Getting Caleb and Lily ready to answer for themselves

Lily's first declaration is the one on my mind. She has had her own money since the summer, with a jar for tithing, and I wrote about how that started in Lily's first allowance and the question about Grandma's card. The short version is that fifty cents of her five dollars goes in that jar every week and she knows what it's for.

What I'm hoping for is that she tells the bishop what's true in her own words. If he asks whether she pays tithing, I'd like her to say yes, I put some in my jar every week, and not a sentence I've drilled into her. I taught third grade for five years and a child reciting is a child who has stopped listening. A few days ahead I'll ask her at the table what's in the jar and who it's for, and I'll leave her answer exactly as it comes out.

She'll probably carry the jar's contents in her head and not in her hand, which is fine. If she wants to bring the jar, I'll let her. Eight-year-olds like a prop.

Caleb is eleven and a different job, because he'll argue any point you hand him a handle on, and I'm expecting a remark about how small the numbers are. I'd rather he said that to me at the kitchen table than decided it privately and said nothing to the bishop. What I plan to tell him is that a few dollars declared truthfully and a large amount declared truthfully are the same kind of sentence.

His interview with the bishop for the priesthood hasn't happened. He doesn't turn twelve until February. I'd like this meeting to be an easy first one in that room.

Not every child wants to talk. If yours goes quiet when the bishop asks something, let it be quiet.

The night before, David and I talk for a few minutes after the children are down about who's sitting where, who has the crackers and whether Caleb needs a reminder about his shoes. In the car I say very little. Caleb, who notices everything, will say something about the bishop's tie or the chairs, and I let that be the conversation.

What I do try to do, in the weeks before, is say tithing out loud at home in an ordinary voice. When Lily puts her coins in the jar on Sunday, I say "that's for tithing" and move on to the next thing. Children hear what's said in the kitchen long before they hear what's said in an interview room.

One verse, used lightly

The kids have heard this one often enough that Lily will say part of it when she's in a mood to.

Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.
Malachi 3:10

The Savior gives the same verse to the Nephites in 3 Nephi 24:10, with "my house" where Malachi has "mine house." I like that the Book of Mormon brings it back. What I don't like is hearing it turned into a trade, where somebody drops a dollar in and checks the mailbox on Friday for the return. The verse says "prove me," and in our house that means we find out over years.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does the meeting take?

Ours has always been short, a matter of minutes. I don't know of a set length. Don't schedule the rest of your evening as if it were an hour.

Should I look at our contribution record first?

I do. The member's part is to check that the record is right, so I look at it a few days before and not in the parking lot. If something's off, I'd rather find out when I can fix it.

What if the date they offer is terrible?

Ask for another. The window runs through mid-December, so there's usually room, and the executive secretary has heard the question before.

What if my child says something silly?

They will, probably, and the bishop has sat across from plenty of children. I wouldn't correct it in the room. We can talk in the car, if there's anything to talk about, and usually there isn't.

A question for you

We haven't done this with Lily as a member before, so I'm asking you.

What did your bishop say or do that made a child feel at ease in that room, and what would you have changed?

with love, Melissa