Sabbath Delight: Moving from Checklist to the Heart

I found a stray sock under the couch cushion at 8:47 on a Sunday morning. The toddler was crying because she wanted the blue dress and the blue dress was in the laundry. The middle-schooler was still in his pajamas staring at the ceiling like it had personally offended him. I was standing in the kitchen with a piece of toast in one hand and a hairbrush in the other and I could feel the Sunday scramble building in my chest the way it does every week.

I have been trying to keep the Sabbath holy for my entire adult life and I still don't always know what that's supposed to look like.

On the good Sundays we get it right with children dressed without a fight as we sit together in the chapel and the sacrament feels like a reset button for the week. On the other Sundays I spend the whole block trying not to lose my temper and by the time we get home I'm too tired to feel anything spiritual at all. I used to think that meant I was failing, that the Sabbath was a test and I was barely passing.

But here's what I've been sitting with this week. What if the Sabbath isn't a test at all? What if it's an invitation?

President Nelson's Teaching on the Sabbath Sign

I have been thinking about President Russell M. Nelson's talk on the Sabbath ever since he gave it a few years ago. He said that our conduct on the Sabbath is a sign between us and Heavenly Father rather than a checklist or a list of approved activities. A sign we choose to offer because we want to show where our heart is.

I have read that talk more times than I can count and every time I find something new. He talks about how the Sabbath is a day to worship and to rest and to do things that draw us closer to the Savior. But he doesn't give a list and he doesn't tell us exactly what we can and can't do. He points us toward the principle and lets us figure out the rest with the Lord.

The freedom in this approach has been a relief for me. I don't need to wonder whether a nature walk counts as an acceptable Sabbath activity if it brings my children closer to God. I also don't need to stress about whether the dinner prep violates the spirit of the day if it lets me sit down and actually talk to my family instead of rushing through a meal I barely tasted.

"The Sabbath is a sign of the covenant between the Lord and His people. It is a day of rest and worship, a day to remember the Savior and the great things He has done for us."

I wrote about some of this before in Sabbath as a Sign: Moving from Rules to Rest. But I keep coming back to it because the shift from rules to relationship isn't a one-time thing. It's a daily choice that I have to make every week and sometimes every hour.

How to Make the Sabbath a Delight for Children

I have four kids and they all experience the Sabbath in completely different ways. My teenager would sleep until noon if I let her and my middle-schooler gets fidgety after about twelve minutes of sitting still. The second-grader loves anything that involves a story or a walk and the toddler only cares about whether she's getting a snack. We are all over the map and that's fine.

For a long time I tried to enforce a uniform Sabbath experience where everyone sat quietly and read scriptures and felt the Spirit on cue. That approach lasted approximately one Sunday before it collapsed under the weight of reality.

What actually works is letting each child find their own version of delight. The teenager gets to sleep in a little and then join us for a slow breakfast while the middle-schooler takes a nature walk with his dad where he can run ahead and climb things. The second-grader picks a book for family reading time and the toddler gets her snack and her lap time and that's enough.

I'm not saying we abandon structure here because we still go to church and we still pray together and we still make the sacrament the center of the day. But I try to leave room for the different ways each person in my family connects with God. A Sabbath that feels like delight to a seven-year-old looks different than a Sabbath that feels like delight to a forty-year-old and I think that's okay.

Creating a Peaceful Sabbath Atmosphere at Home

I noticed something this past year. The best Sundays in our home aren't the ones where the schedule runs perfectly. They're the ones where the atmosphere shifts. Something changes in the way the house feels.

I started doing small things to mark the beginning of the day. I light a candle on Saturday evening as the sun goes down. Nothing fancy, just a single candle on the kitchen counter that stays lit until Sunday night. It's a visual signal to everyone in the house that we're entering a different kind of time. The kids have started noticing it too. When they see the candle they know the rhythm is about to change.

I also stopped trying to do absolutely everything on Sunday and this was harder than I expected. I used to cook elaborate meals and plan detailed family activities and try to fill every hour with something productive. Now I leave more empty space. A Sunday afternoon with nothing scheduled isn't a waste. It's a gift. We sit on the couch and we talk or we don't talk and we let the quiet do its work.

Sabbath Day Activities for LDS Families

If you're looking for ideas that actually work with real children, here are a few things we have tried in our house that have become traditions:

A special Sunday breakfast that takes more time than a weekday breakfast. We make pancakes or cinnamon rolls or something that feels like an occasion.
A family walk after church without any particular destination or pace. Just moving together and noticing things.
Reading stories about Jesus or about people in the scriptures. Sometimes I read aloud and sometimes the older kids take turns.
Writing letters or drawing pictures for people we love. The toddler scribbles on a piece of paper and calls it a card and we mail it to Grandma anyway.
A short family council where everyone shares one thing they're grateful for from the week.

None of these are complicated and that's the whole point. The activities themselves don't have to be impressive. They just have to point us toward each other and toward the Lord.

We also have a connection to Unplanned Discipleship: The Gospel in Your Daily Family Life which talks about how the most meaningful gospel moments happen in the ordinary rhythms of our day. The Sabbath is the same way. The most sacred moments aren't the ones we plan perfectly. They're the ones that happen naturally when we create space for them.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I stop my children from associating the Sabbath with rules and restrictions?

Focus on what you can do instead of what you can't. If the only thing your children hear about the Sabbath is a list of forbidden activities, they'll learn to resent it. Show them the good things. The special breakfast and the family walk and the extra time with you. Let them see that the Sabbath is a gift not a chore.

What if my Sundays are too chaotic to feel peaceful?

Then you are in good company. Most of my Sundays are chaotic too. I think the Lord understands that better than we give Him credit for. A toddler crying during the sacrament hymn doesn't ruin the Sabbath. It's just part of having a toddler. Extend yourself some grace and remember that the heart of the day is connection not perfection.

What is a good way to start a new Sabbath tradition for a family?

Start with picking one small thing you can do consistently like a special breakfast or a fifteen-minute walk or a prayer circle before bed. Start with one rhythm and let it settle before you add anything else. The consistency matters more than the size. A tradition that happens every week becomes something your children will remember for the rest of their lives.

How do I handle the tension between what I feel I should do on the Sabbath and what actually works for my family?

Try asking yourself a different question instead of the usual one. Instead of asking what am I supposed to do, ask what sign do I want to give to God today. That question changes everything. It moves you from obligation to intention. It gives you room to make choices that fit your family's real life while still honoring the day.

I blew out the candle at the end of last Sunday and I stood in the dark kitchen for a moment before heading to bed. The day wasn't perfect. There was a fight over the blue dress and there was a moment when I snapped at the toddler for something that wasn't her fault. But there was also a walk in the afternoon where the middle-schooler found a caterpillar and insisted on carrying it home and we all laughed at how seriously he took the responsibility.

That's what I'm trying to hold onto. Not the perfect Sabbath where everything goes right. The real one where we keep showing up and God keeps meeting us there.

with love, Melissa