The Rhythm of Rest: A Joyful Sabbath With Young Children
The toddler was eating a cheese stick during the sacrament hymn last Sunday. She had it pinched between her thumb and forefinger like a tiny baton, and she was conducting the choir with it. I caught David's eye across the pew and we both held in a laugh because she was quiet and the cheese stick was keeping her quiet and that is a small miracle in a pew full of wiggling children.
I have been thinking about that moment all week. It wasn't reverent in the way I used to think reverent should look. But it was ours. It was our family's version of keeping the Sabbath day holy on a Sunday when the baby hadn't napped and the second-grader had spilled water down her dress before we left the house and the teenager had asked if we could please just stay home this one time.
The Sabbath with young children isn't a quiet day. It is a day where you try to hold onto something sacred while someone is pulling on your sleeve and someone else is asking for a snack and someone else is crying because they wanted the blue cup not the green cup.
I don't think the Lord is surprised by any of this.
How to Keep the Sabbath Holy With Toddlers and Preschoolers
The first thing I had to let go of was the idea that holiness looks like stillness. When my oldest was a baby, I spent the entire sacrament meeting in the foyer walking laps with a fussy infant while the other parents sat in the chapel with their perfectly still children. I was convinced I was failing. It took me years to realize that the foyer was holy too. The foyer was where I learned to pray while walking in circles and that the sacrament could be a whispered prayer in the hallway while bouncing a baby on my hip.
President Russell M Nelson taught that the Sabbath is a sign between us and God. For a family with young children, that sign isn't the absence of noise or perfect behavior. The sign is the effort of showing up, putting on the church clothes, wrestling the toddler into the car seat, and walking into the chapel even though we knew it might only last fifteen minutes before someone needed a diaper change or a snack or a walk around the hallway. That effort matters to the Lord. I believe that now in a way I didn't when I was younger.
LDS Sabbath Activities for Young Children
Over the years I have collected a short list of things that actually work in our house. Every Sunday looks different, but these activities help our kids associate the Sabbath with warmth instead of restriction.
A special breakfast is the anchor of our Sunday morning. I make something we don't have on other days. Sometimes it is pancakes with berries. Sometimes it is cinnamon rolls that I prep on Saturday night. The kids know that Sunday breakfast is different and they look forward to it.
We keep a basket of Sunday-only books and quiet toys that the kids don't see the rest of the week. A few picture books about Jesus, a quiet matching game, and a small notebook with crayons for drawing what they learned in Primary. The novelty helps them stay engaged during the quiet afternoon hours.
I wrote about this in Sabbath Rhythms: Moving From a Checklist to Delight and the principle has only become more true as the kids have gotten older. The day works better when we focus on what we can do instead of what we can't. We can take a walk, read stories together, or sit on the floor and build something quiet. Sometimes we call Grandma too. The kids feel the difference.
Dealing With Children's Behavior in Sacrament Meeting
I want to be honest about this because I think we need more honesty about it. Sacrament meeting with young children is hard. You are trying to focus on the bread and the water while your toddler is trying to climb over the pew and your preschooler is asking for the fifth time when it will be over and your baby is making the kind of noise that makes other parents turn their heads with sympathy and relief.
Here is what I have learned about sacrament meeting with young children. The goal isn't to get through the entire meeting without disruption. The goal is to help your child associate the chapel with safety and love. If you spend the whole meeting shushing and correcting and pulling little hands away from the hymnbook, your child learns that the chapel is a place where they get in trouble. But if you spend the meeting whispering stories about Jesus and sharing a quiet snack and letting them draw pictures of the temple, your child learns that the chapel is a place where they are loved.
Sometimes you have to take them out and that is fine. The hallway is holy too. I have had some of my most sincere prayers answered in the hallway of a church building while holding a restless toddler.
Creating a Peaceful Sabbath Rhythm for Families
The word that has helped me most is rhythm. Not schedule or routine. A schedule is rigid and unforgiving. A rhythm has a pulse and a flow and room to breathe.
Our Sunday rhythm starts with a slow morning and the special breakfast, then church together as a family. The afternoon is quiet with naps for the little ones and quiet time for the bigger ones. We take a walk if the weather is good and keep dinner simple. We end with a short family prayer before bed where we talk about what we felt during the day.
It doesn't always happen in that order and I have made peace with that. Sometimes the afternoon is loud and the walk gets rained out and dinner turns into cereal because everyone is too tired to eat anything else. But the rhythm is still there and the pulse of the day is still oriented toward rest, even when the details are messy.
I think about the scripture in Isaiah where the Lord says the Sabbath should be a delight. Not a burden or a checklist. A delight. For a long time I didn't know how to make that true in my house. But I am learning that delight looks different for a family with young children than it does for an empty-nester or a single adult. For us, delight looks like pancakes and a walk and a toddler conducting the choir with a cheese stick.
The Meaning of the Sabbath as a Delight for LDS Families
If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the Lord, honourable; and shalt honour him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own words: Then shalt thou delight thyself in the Lord (Isaiah 58:13-14).
I have read this verse dozens of times but I only recently noticed the order. We call the Sabbath a delight first, then we delight ourselves in the Lord. The delight comes before the joy. It is a choice we make about how we see the day before we feel the peace of it.
Some Sundays I don't feel the peace the way I wish I did. I feel the exhaustion and the frustration of another morning spent wrestling a toddler into tights. But I can still choose to call the Sabbath a delight and orient my heart toward the Lord even when my hands are full of Cheerios and a sippy cup. That choice is the sign and I think the Lord honors it.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I handle a child who is disruptive during sacrament meeting?
Focus on the child's comfort and the Spirit's presence rather than perfection. Use quiet activities and small snacks or take a brief walk to the hallway to reset. Remember that other parents have been there, and the goal is to help the child associate the chapel with love and safety instead of stress. The hallway is holy too.
What does it mean to make the Sabbath a delight for children who can't sit still?
It means shifting the focus from formal activities to joyful ones. Instead of a long lesson, try a short engaging story from the scriptures followed by a walk in nature. When the day is filled with warmth and love, children begin to associate the Sabbath with a special happy rhythm rather than a list of restrictions.
How can we keep the Sabbath day holy without feeling overwhelmed by the effort?
Simplify your expectations by focusing on one or two meaningful traditions like a special Sabbath breakfast or a family walk rather than a long list of dos and don'ts. When you focus on the sign you want to give to God, the pressure to be perfect disappears and leaves room for genuine peace.
What if my spouse works on Sundays or isn't a member of the Church?
You can still create a Sabbath rhythm for yourself and your children. Focus on the parts of the day that are within your control. A quiet morning with the kids, a short scripture story before nap time, or a walk in the afternoon. The Lord sees your effort to set the day apart, even if it looks different from what you imagined.
How do I keep older children engaged on the Sabbath when they would rather be on their phones?
Invite them to help plan the day. Ask them what activities would help them feel closer to the Lord. Give them real responsibility with the younger kids. Sometimes the best way to help a teenager engage with the Sabbath is to stop trying to enforce it and start inviting them into it.
I still don't have the Sabbath figured out and I am learning to be okay with that. Some Sundays are a mess and I end up in the hallway with a crying baby and a cheese-stick conductor and a teenager who would rather be anywhere else. But I am learning to measure the day differently. I am learning to measure the day by whether we tried to turn our hearts toward the Lord in the middle of all of it, not by how quiet it was or how well the kids behaved.
And most Sundays, we did.
with love, Melissa